


The Price Of Peace Is Too Hefty

by yuktenisreal



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AllTen - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Charming Kun, Existential Angst, Jock Johnny, Kunten, LuTen, M/M, Mischievous Lucas, Ten is ready to fight everyone!, johnten, yukten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuktenisreal/pseuds/yuktenisreal
Summary: In which Ten is literally done with everybody's shit. Johnny is his horrible roommate, Kun makes Ten's heart too fuzzy and Lucas is a troublemaker Ten can't escape. Moreover, Ten feels a type of melancholy he can't explain. Sullen peace v/s head-hurting hassle, Ten struggles with the choice.[Note : This is mostly just slash. Not much happens. There's no smut or actual full-on relationships.]





	1. The Litany Of Life

It was the same old routine that Ten kept on living. Every year, he would spark a friendship with someone new, watch it evolve into something fierce, and witness it die out eventually. A year. That is how long things usually lasted for Ten and then a new one would go through the same cycle all over again. It felt natural for things to be this way no matter how different, as he saw, it was for others. The cause? Probably himself. One morning, he’d wake up to the daily rut of his life, and would forget to make a phone call he was supposed to. The other person would wait but Ten simply minded the hundred things he needed to do and a week or so later he’d realize that he’d let something die, yet again.

 

He hated staying cooped up in his room, it suffocated him to have to spend hours on end in his one bedroom apartment that he shared with someone who had no qualms about having people over literally all day everyday. Ten hated all the noise his roommate Johnny’s friends made, the mess he found on his bed each time he returned to him room dead-tired, ready to crash but always ended up cleaning out the disasters other people made. So he spent his free hours curling in a corner in his college library, or taking trips down to cafes near his college. He had tried all of them, probably, this past year, ever since Johnny had moved in. Ten still remembers the day he had mustered enough courage to look at his bank account and his downfall when he had found it nearly empty. He’d cashed out most of the money to pay for his art expenses, at least that’s what he told himself. The truth is, he had a serious problem of going on shopping sprees under emotional distress and unfortunately finals had got the best of him. That’s how it began. He couldn’t bring himself to ask his parents for more, although he knew they had more than enough and would gladly overspend on their sweet child, but Ten neither wanted to feel like a spoiled kid, nor did he want to have access to more money which he was bound to spend unnecessarily again. So he did what he thought was the most obvious solution to his monthly rental bill which was due to be payed. He typed out an AD asking for a roommate and could do nothing but sigh when his phone lit up with someone DMing him about the ad within minutes of posting it. It was a very desperate Johnny, who had been thrown out of his old apartment after a million complaints from his neighbours about the rowdy parties he threw. Of course, Ten did not know about any of it, until after he had already moved in. Johnny brought virtually nothing with him, other than his clothes, a wide collection of shoes and exercise equipment. No bedding, no mattress, no groceries. He would proceed to casually use all of Ten’s stuff. At first, Ten was ready to fight, but seeing Johnny’s lack of understanding as to why Ten was making such a fuss about “small things” made Ten give up any thought of having a peaceful life there, at least while he was inside his apartment.

 

Now walking down to his favorite cafe, he felt some of the anger crawl back up in his throat, forming into a tight lump. “Not a single second of solitude in my own damn house,” Ten said out loud, to no one in particular. He was frustrated because he couldn’t hide in his room when he most needed to, knowing that Johnny is probably sprawled across his bed with a girl fawning over him. Earlier this morning, Ten had run into someone from his past and the conversation that ensued, had left him so embarrassed that he felt a part of him die right in middle of the street that led him to his college. Out of the places, he could have run into Lucas, it had to be his own college. Lucas had been one of his yearly-friends, two years back, before he joined college. He had spent his last year in school becoming friends with this boy who was two years his junior, being crackheads or troublemakers together or whatever they call people who’re too loud and unbothered. But the next year, Ten had moved out of his parent’s home, into his current small apartment quite close to the university campus and they had drifted off. Nothing dramatic. They had spent a year together but they never bothered knowing each other in and out, so when the rift between them grew bigger, he simply blamed it on the distance and refused to acknowledge that it was his own silence that marked the end of their friendship.

 

Lucas had grown over a feet taller since Ten last saw him, and now he towered over Ten’s small self. It made him uncomfortable to look up at Lucas’s earnest eyes when they bumped into each other. Perhaps, it was only Ten who felt awkward because Lucas seemed enthusiastic about meeting Ten like this, accidentally, right in the middle of the street. It was Ten who had to move to the side of road before replying to the question that Lucas had asked him. “Hyung, where have you been all this while?” Ten pointed towards the uni campus across the footpath, saying “there!” Lucas’s eyes sparkled at that but he only smiled. Ten noticed a hint of mischief in the way Lucas’s lips curled more at one corner. It was the same smirk Lucas had back in school, whenever he had something clever to say or whenever he found out people’s secrets. It had made Ten laugh once, but now it made him incredibly nervous, but much to his relief, Lucas soon excused himself to take a phone call which had already rung twice. Ten, in a panicked hurry had rushed off towards his favourite cafe instead of attending his first class of the day.

 

As he entered the black-walled cafe, Ten was greeted by a sudden change in temperature, the warmth soothed his nerves a bit. He took off his jacket, and dropped in his usual corner seat. Coffee would set his nerves on the edge again, so settled for a green tea. The waiter, recognizing his usual customer, smiled at Ten.

 

“The usual?” Kun asked, bending forward a little to rearrange the flowers in the vase in front of Ten.

 

Ten would have nodded but Kun wasn’t looking in his direction, probably expecting Ten to hum in agreement to order what he usually did.

 

“I think I’ll have green tea today and some french toast.” Ten’s voice was unsure and timid.

 

“It’s good to switch things up once in a while, huh?” Kun winked at Ten and rushed off to take orders from another table.

 

Ten could only smile at that. _Switch things up._ He repeated the phrase in his mind over and over again, till it took new meaning. So when he left the cafe, he had two iced-americanos in his hands. He would, for the first time in a year, try to do something nice for his straight-from-hell roommate.

 

“I didn’t know you had friends,” Johnny snarkily remarked, pointing at the drinks Ten was trying to hold in his hands without dropping them along with his books.

 

Ten sighed and thrust both the cups in Johnny’s hands and without saying a word bent down to undo his shoelaces.

 

Johnny was still staring at the cups in confusion, thinking Ten had only handed them to him temporarily so he could remove his shoes and would snatch them back soon, but Ten simply walked towards the other side of the living area.

 

“Dude, your drinks…” Johnny trailed off when Ten pursed his lips.

 

“They’re for you and your little girlfriend…..hyung” Ten said, with a clearly mocking smile. He was trying to be nice but Jonny was testing his patience again.

 

“Okay, firstly Wendy is not my girlfriend, secondly I don’t drink coffee.”

 

Ten was so offended that he had nothing to say. He made a move to retrieve the cups from Johnny‘s hands, but Johnny hurriedly tried to cover his tracks.

 

“Hey, hey! Stop,” Johnny batted Ten’s hand away with his elbow, as both his hands were occupied with the cups. Taking a big sip from one of the cups, he added “you can’t just take things back like that. These are mine now.”

 

Ten put his arms in the air, in defeat. Banging his head against the wall would be more productive than arguing with Johnny. He flopped onto the bed and what felt like an eternity of staring up at the ceiling, he felt tears leak from his eyes. Nothing conscious, no actual sadness. He kept telling himself that it was his boredom acting up and nothing more. _Nothing more._

 

He would have gladly stayed in, if it weren’t for the ruckus Johnny made first thing in the morning. Ten didn’t even have to use alarms anymore because of Johnny’s extremely annoying habit of waking up at 5 in the morning for a jog and somehow banging against every noisy surface in the house while he got ready. On top of that, he hummed to the same fucking tune out loud every day as he tied his shoelaces, forgetting that it were his own ears that were plugged with earphones and not Ten’s. So Ten’s eyes had grown accustomed to flying open whenever that very tune entered his ears, but today he was especially annoyed.

 

 _Switch things up, huh? The only thing I need to switch is my roommate._ Ten thought, reflecting on what Kun had said but then the usual worries of daily life invaded his mind and he dragged himself out of bed to face yet another day of unyielding grind.

  


Kun’s face reflected all the brightness he had in his heart. Everytime Ten saw his smile reach his eyes in pure joy, his heart melted. Today was another one of those days, Kun worked at the counter early morning because most people wanted their coffees on the go and Ten was one of them. He didn’t think he could sit through all his classes without caffeine in his system. Ten handed over change but Kun promptly rejected his payment, saying “Never mind. It’s on me today.”

 

Ten insisted on paying but Kun was adamant. “Oh, it’s alright. You look like you’ve had a rough night.”

 

Ten’s ears turned slightly red. “Is it that obvious?” he asked, feeling a bit conscious about his state.

 

Kun shook his head and responded “No, no, it’s just that I see you often, so I can tell the difference. Well, here you go,” he handed Ten his iced coffee.

 

“Thank you for this,” Ten lifted his cup in the air and genuinely smiled at Kun’s kindness. Kun was truly one of his favourite people, not just because he was kind to him but because he was kind in general and he always smiled so warmly, it was impossible not be happy in his presence.

 

Somebody behind Ten in the queue coughed with impatience, since Ten was holding up the line for everybody. Before leaving, he turned to look at Kun once more and found Kun smiling at him with a sparkle in his eyes. “Goodbye loyal customer, please visit again,” Kun shouted over the din of the cafe and Ten shyly nodded his head, quickly rushing out of attention’s way.

 

The cold air that hit his face like a brick as soon as he stepped out of the cafe brought him back to the harshness of reality. A string of boring classes awaited him but what he did not know that the only period of imminent relief he had during his college hours which was the time he spent in art club would soon be invaded by yet another problem he can not espace, try as he may.

 

Lucas entered the room with his huge build, immediately earning everyone’s attention. Ten heard people bicker about the handsome boy as soon as they set their eyes upon Lucas. The art club was often in the need for models and fate had provided them with a very handsome one. The headache Ten had suddenly developed got worse and worse progressively as the meeting went on and the art club president decided that each team would paint the same model in different styles for their upcoming exhibit. Lucas’s time was thus distributed among the various students so they could start working on their respective paintings. Ten had the 5-8 pm slot for any two days of the week. They could work it out between themselves to fit the goal, which was 2 months away, so he decided his best bet would be to be done with the painting as soon as possible and not stretching it out unnecessarily. He would beg Lucas for few extra hours on his first day, so he could finish it in one night, and retouch without needing Lucas’s physical presence. The only hope he had was that Lucas would comply.

 

But of course he didn’t. “Jerk!” Ten muttered under his breath. Lucas whipped his head around to ask Ten what he was saying but Ten mouthed a silent “Nothing.”

 

Lucas had a party to attend tonight, or at least that’s what he told Ten. Ten had an inkling that he said so, purely to cause annoyance but who knows? Maybe he does have a party to attend, Lucas was the popular sort anyway. He huffed nonetheless.

 

Just when Ten was about to verbalize his thought of taking up the session on weekend, Lucas piped in saying “Hyung, I don’t think I’ll be free this week, maybe an hour or two at most. I’ll let you know if I get enough time to spare.”

 

Ten was batting his eyelashes dramatically, in disbelief, shaking his head a little. There was no way in hell, that Lucas wasn’t doing this on purpose. Although Lucas was smiling and it would have looked genuine enough to someone else, Ten had known him all too well once. He knew that Lucas was not that nice, or maybe he had changed. What did it matter? Ten still had to suffer the inconvenience of postponing his art project, at the will of this devil whose arrival promised a lot more trouble than there already is.  
  



	2. The Solace In Commotion

Ten was busy staring at his phone screen when he heard noises outside his apartment. He was familiar with the ruckus so he made no move to get up and welcome the guests.  _ Guests?  _ Ten laughed sadistically.  _ They might as well be my flatmates considering how often they stay here.  _ All he could do was sigh and wait for them to invade all his personal space.

 

He stared at the screen once more, at the message Lucas had left him. 

 

[Lucas, 21:36] Am hoping u still have this number, haven’t changed mine since schooldays. anyway if you can see this as I’m hoping, txt me back cause i have something to tell.

 

The last line piqued Ten’s interest. He was thinking of what to respond with, when three people barged in like they owned the goddamned place. The bedroom door was ajar, so he could see them walking cooly into the living area. Johnny practically catapulted his bag across the room but it landed neatly on the couch. Ten had been so impressed the first time he saw Johnny do that, he almost thought it was a mere coincidence. But he came to realize that nothing is a coincidence with Johnny, even the most casual or surprising things about him are carefully practiced or developed over time. Johnny was good at multiple things, Ten knew, but he never acknowledged them or made them seem like a big deal, so people assumed his qualities were a part of his innate nature or something. 

 

A handsome guy walked in next, with the same old good-natured permanent smile plastered on his face. Ten sometimes felt sure that Jaehyun had a double personality. He was obviously the bully type, the way he walked, the way he tended to look down on people but then he opened his mouth and nothing terrible ever came out as you would expect. His smile was just as intimidating as it was inviting. What surprised Ten more was the fact that he actually got along with this guy more than he got along with Johnny. Jaehyun peeped inside their bedroom and flashed Ten (who was languidly lying on his bed) a quick smile. Ten smiled back. They did that a lot. Just passed smiles between each other. They talked too, sometimes, mostly about Johnny and why he is the way he is. But these conversations are very rare because Johnny is usually around and when he is around, Ten finds it hard to speak anything that is not worthy of being mocked. Taeyong dropped himself on the couch with such force that Ten heard the poor couch squeak from a distance. Jaehyun’s beautiful face has disappeared from the door frame, so he was probably on the couch too. Those three spent so much of their time on that couch that it had sagged permanently in three different spots which their asses frequently occupied. Ten dared not sit in that couch anymore. He would rather sit on the bed, which was inconvenient too because they shared the double bed as Johnny hadn’t bothered bringing one of his own but soon they got used to sharing it. Ten had been annoyed, naturally but some of Johnny’s indifference seeped into him and he too stopped caring about it, as long as both of them stayed on their respective sides of the bed. Usually, Johnny was good at that, but Ten had to make a conscious effort to stay on his side while sleeping. Old habits die hard and Ten had beaten his to pulp for the sake of his dignity.

 

Now Ten was left with two choices, he could sleep right there and then, ferociously hungry, or he could compromise his dignity and join the other three for dinner. He had heard them order chinese food over the phone, so they’d be eating soon, he thought he should probably go and join them. He would make his own dinner of course, the reason why he felt such a compulsion to sit at the dinner table was one of the only house rules they followed : No eating in the bedroom. Even Johnny followed it. So he dragged himself out of bed and walked right into the spotlight.

 

Ten could literally feel six eyes digging into his back as he silently started preparing his dinner in the kitchen. His hands were slightly shaky from knowing that he’s being watched while he cooks. Embarrassed? Nervous? Awkward? Uncomfortable? Ten felt all of those things at once and he almost spilled some of the sauce he was making when Johnny suddenly shouted “Whatcha doin?” from behind.

 

“Clearly cooking, Johnny. Last time I checked you had a perfectly functional pair of eyes,” Taeyong remarked, sarcastically.

 

Jaehyun snorted.

 

“Yeah, I’m just fulfilling a very humane need here. Food.” Ten still didn’t turn to meet their eyes.

 

Johnny hummed and resumed staring at the TV. They’d been watching a basketball match but honestly none of them were actually paying attention. Their eyes glazed over everything they saw, partly because of tiredness, mostly because of hunger. And then the bell rang.

 

“I’ll get it,” Jaehyun retrieved the food quick as a flash.

 

Ten was halfway done with all the chopping when Jaehyun kindly made an invitation. “Hey Ten! Come eat with us.”

 

Ten let out a tired breath. “Yeah, well. I need to finish making the food first.”

 

“Come share mine, sweetheart,” Jaehyun smile turned to a smirk and back into a smile again.

 

Johnny groaned at that, but looked at Ten and added “Yeah, we have plenty. Don’t bother with all that mess.” He was pointing at the counter where all the ingredients were laid out messily.

 

Ten was too tired to argue and he was so terribly hungry that for once he didn’t care about being mocked by Johnny Seo. Taeyong passed around the food while everyone silently waited. Johnny was fiddling with his chopsticks, Jaehyun was texting someone and Ten was staring at the table, not knowing where else to look. He had left his phone on the bed and he couldn’t talk to any of them casually, so he just waited. The dining table was a small square one. Ten lived alone so he bought it to serve one, though it was meant to seat two, but since there were four of them, they had dragged two study chairs to accommodate four. Johnny sat opposite Ten while Jaehyun set on his right, facing Taeyong who looked bored as hell.

 

They started eating and Jaehyun sparked a conversation. With Ten. It’d be better if it was a conversation that included all of them, Ten thought, because while Jaehyun asked stuff and Ten answered him, Johnny intently watched them, his eyes followed whoever was speaking. Why he was so genuinely interested in their small-talk, Ten couldn’t understand. Taeyong too was listening but not as deeply as Johnny, he was too busy finishing all the food in his bowl. The boy was clearly ravenous. Ten wondered why. What did these three even do on normal days? They never came to college, they never studied. Neither of them seemed to have any hobby, but Ten didn’t wanna assume too much. Judging from their clothes they haven’t even been partying lately. So what was up with them? They always came home looking tired, hungry and bored.

 

Jaehyun was still talking, so Ten directed his attention at what Jaehyun was saying. Might as well throw in the question now. Ten abruptly asked “Enough about me. What are you up these days?” 

 

Jaehyun looked at Johnny sideways as if to make sure they agreed on something, Ten caught it but he said nothing. Jaehyun shrugged and added “You know, the usual. We’ve been practising basketball. Inter-college matches are coming up.”

 

“Oh,” Ten said but he wasn’t entirely convinced. Johnny would have been dripping wet in sweat if they’d been practising that much. He’d seen Johnny on days when he practised for an hour and would enter the house looking like he’d been walking in rain for miles, and his arms would shine, his sweat-slicked bangs would fall lazily over his eyes and stray pieces of them would stick to him forehead, and his shirt would cling a little too close to his skin. Don’t ask why Ten noticed all that, the point is that Jaehyun needn’t make such lies. Ten wasn’t gonna pester them for the truth anyway.

  
  


Jaehyun skillfully steered the topic. “So Tennie, what have you been doing all day, besides looking cute?” Ten bit his bottom lip in hesitation, unsure whether to laugh or answer. Taeyong rolled his eyes. Jaehyun always call him cheesy things but he did it on purpose probably, to be funny or to tease Ten, knowing it leaves him flustered. 

 

“Uh, I’ve been working on a painting for the art exhibit,” Ten tried to sound cool about it but it came off unsure.

 

“What’s it about?” Jaehyun looked genuinely curious.

 

Ten wanted to elaborate on the idea of style and perspective but it’d probably bore them to death. So he shrugged a little, easing himself into the chair a little farther and said “Everyone is supposed to paint the same model differently but we’ve got limited time.”

 

“Interesting,” Jaehyun leaned back in his chair as if ready to close this topic.

 

“Sounds like a hassle to me,” Johnny said, nonchalantly.

 

“Right, it’s a drag,” Ten agreed.

 

Ten must have looked genuinely sullen about it because Jaehyun’s hand rubbed his back gently “You’ll manage, tough guy.” Ten smiled a little.

 

“Sweetheart to tough guy, you’re so indecisive Jaehyun. Can’t decide whether to snog him or fight him?” Johnny remarked and it earned him a playful punch from Jaehyun. Again, Ten just sat there looking wildly out of place. He had no comeback, nothing witty to say. Johnny and the shit he says, Ten had no idea why he was the victim of his snide remarks. Joking or not, Johnny managed to leave Ten speechless.

 

“He’s both though,” Jaehyun said, laughing at everyone’s done-with-your-shit reactions and got up to clear his plate away.

 

“I gotta rush, my dudes,” Jaehyun walked towards the entry door to leave their place. That was strange another thing about these three, they never said goodbyes. “Wait! I’ll come. I need to drop by at Wendy’s place,” Johnny left his food unfinished. He looked at Ten and politely (according to his standards) asked “Clear them for me, will you?” and left. Taeyong was the last to get up, he took his own dish and Johnny’s plate too towards the kitchen sink. Ten mouthed a “thank you” at him and he nodded. 

 

“I’m off then,” Taeyong said before closing the door behind him.

 

_ Why are they all so weird?  _ Ten thought in amazement. Well, to look at the brighter side of things, he would have the whole bed to himself for tonight. What could possibly be better?

 

_ Death _ , Ten thought. Even death would be better than lying wide awake like this. His body was numb from tiredness, his mind was at the end of its rope but sleep did not come to him that night.

 

Something sad invaded his mind again like it usually did whenever he was alone with had nothing to distract himself with. The silence in the room amplified his invasive thoughts, thoughts that scared him, thoughts about his unsure future, about his failure to make meaningful relationships, about the lack of inspiration and worst of all, the lack of talent compared to his peers. “You lack direction, Ten” the college counsellor had told him and true enough, he still didn’t have it. Taking up a course he actually liked had stabilized him enough but he still wondered whether he was good enough to make a career out of it or not. The anxiety that he amassed at these thoughts was not like a sudden panic, rather a melancholy that spread inside him, reminding him to accept himself as a failure before it’s too late. Ten fought the thoughts, knowing they will probably disappear or at least hide by the time it’s morning. He just needed to will himself to sleep. Sleep had always been his good friend, his peaceful way to escape, but not today. Today it acted stubborn.

 

It missed the heaviness on Johnny’s empty side of the bed, without it, everything seemed less secure. Ten rolled over to Johnny’s side and glued his eyes shut in the hope that a change of space would work and it did, only because the pillows smelled like Johnny, of cologne, sweat and cigarettes.

 

His eyes fluttered open to a flurry of noises inside his room. The three of them were there, talking about things Ten was too sleepy to catch. He wanted to shake his head awake but he felt it would interrupt their discussion. He slowly closed his eyes again, pretending to be asleep, waiting for them to leave. Ten felt bad for unintentionally eavesdropping on their conversation but he couldn’t fall back asleep while they continued talking with their deep ass voices.

 

“Go cuddle him then,” Johnny spat (verbally) at Jaehyun.

 

“Wahaha, it’d probably scare the shit out of lil man,” Jaehyun was looking at Ten whose eyebrows were knit together in concentration.  _ He looks so sulky even when he sleeps,  _ Jaehyun thought.

“Well, whatever. But if I hear you call him cute one more time in my presence, I’m kicking you out.” Johnny feigned disgust at Jaehyun.

 

“Why?” Jaehyun was testing his patience. It was always fun to see Johnny go off midst joking.

 

“Well, it’s kinda gay,” Johnny retorted. There was sudden silence in the room. Ten’s brows seem to knit further, Taeyong sharply inhaled to calm himself, Jaehyun’s face was blank as a white sheet of paper. There would have been a sound of crickets chirping in the background if the silence stretched on any longer.

 

“Says the one who shares bed with a guy,” Jaehyun said with a snort.

 

Johnny shrugged. “You didn’t help me move the old mattress. I wasn’t gonna haul it up here by myself.”

 

“Good riddance,” Taeyong said. “It smelled like shit anyway. Can’t imagine how many people had sex on it.”

 

Someone’s phone chimed. Jaehyun furiously tapped on his screen to text back. He looked back up at Johnny and with a sour look on his face said “trouble again.”

 

Ten heard them shuffle out of the apartment.  _ Trouble.  _ So even these three had their share of troubles. He sighed and let his brows finally relax, still thinking about the conversation he had overheard. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd think I know where this story is going, but you're wrong. I don't. I'm winging it but I suppose it's fun this way. So many possibilities. Ten, please show your face soon so I can stop creating such a mess.


	3. Not All Troubles Are As Trivial As Ten's

Ten had a bad relationship with words. He hated how some words clung to him. Gay. He hadn’t heard that word in years now. Last time, he had been called that, he was still in school. Back then he could shield himself with arrogance but the word had stuck to him like a tick till today. It was not word itself, nor the unwarranted label, just the fact that out of all the words that he had come to identify with, this word was not chosen by him, rather given. It was as if before he could come to terms with his own sexuality, a word had been thrust upon him, without his consent. Ten wasn’t ashamed to be gay, but he was scared of it, scared of the way people said this word, scared of the stigma that came with it.

 

Johnny hadn’t called him gay, neither Jaehyun, but the still hearing it between them made Ten very uncomfortable. Whether the disgust in Johnny’s voice was a jest or actual phobia, Ten hadn’t been able to witness because his eyes were closed and he couldn’t imagine what expression Johnny had when he said that.

 

These thoughts swarmed Ten’s mind as he walked down to his favourite cafe for breakfast. It was Saturday today, so he had no classes. Ten had all the free time in the world to kill and he knew damn well he’d have to spend it outside. He had no wish to see Johnny’s face, at least for the day. The weather was beautiful, not too cold, the sunlight fell pleasantly on his face. It made him want to hum to a tune he’d heard somewhere. _Gross,_ Ten thought when he realized it’s the same song that Johnny sang every morning. For the rest of the walk he chose to remain silent.

 

A warm rush of air met his face when he entered the cafe. His denim jacket seemed a bit unnecessary now so he took it off and tied it around his waist. He walked over to his usual seat but his eyes were busy scanning the cafe for his favourite person but Kun was nowhere to be seen. His face fell with disappointment. He was hoping to have a good conversation but luck hasn’t been on his side lately. Just then, Kun came out the door meant for the staff, looking all neat and handsome. The smile on his face never seemed to die out. _His cheeks must always be hurting,_ Ten thought amusingly.

 

He waved and caught Kun’s attention. Kun’s already wide smile spread even wider, if that was even possible. He had a notepad in his hands.

 

“Goodmorning! Your order?”

 

Ten was a bit disappointed that Kun didn’t initiate a conversation and got straight to business but that’s literally his job, so Ten decided not to dwell on it.

 

“Uh, peanut butter pancakes.” Ten didn’t even have to scan the menu, he had it memorized by now.

 

“And a cappuccino perhaps?” Kun added.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Ten smiled up at Kun. At this point, he was wondering whether it’d be rude to extend the conversation because Kun probably had more tables to attend but at the same time, he really wanted to spark a friendship and it wasn’t gonna happen if they kept limiting their convos to ordering and serving.

 

“Nice weather outside, huh?” Ten remarked, looking out the window. Kun looked out too.

 

“Yeah, perfect for a stroll. Most people are taking their coffees out today, it’s a little too warm in here,” Kun explained, tugging his collar.

 

“I don’t like walking alone,” Ten said. He hadn’t intended it to come out as sad as it did. Kun’s casual smile faltered to a polite one. Ten sounded forlorn and Kun sympathized with him.

 

“You don’t have to. I’ll ask them to turn the heat off. We certainly don’t need it today.” Kun’s assuring voice wasn’t gonna give Ten a chance to pity himself.

 

Kun shot Ten a smile again before leaving to give his order at the counter. Ten watched him walk away, words still waiting on his lips, broken and unformed. He wanted to talk but he had nothing to talk about. He knew so little about Kun. _What a shame,_ he thought.

 

Along with delicious food, came Kun to serve it with smiles and his gentle voice. _Handsome._ That’s the word that first came to Ten’s head whenever he looked at Kun. As Kun carefully placed a cup of coffee on Ten’s table, his eyes broke away momentarily to look at the person who had literally stormed in. It was probably the first time Ten had seen the smile falter off Kun’s face. A worried expression had replaced all the calmness. Ten turned to look at the sight of what had bothered Kun so much.

 

A guy. Dressed in all-black, a deadpan face but urgency apparent in the way his eyes searched the cafe. Ten saw him rush towards the counter in long hurried strides.

 

“Sicheng,” Kun called from behind and the guy turned around in relief.

 

“What is it?” Kun clearly gauged that there had been a problem.

 

“Hansol and Yuta. They’re causing trouble again.” The guy enunciated the _again._ He seemed more annoyed than worried.

 

Kun pushed his hair back and took a deep breath. He removed his apron and dropped it off the counter. Ten had unconsciously followed Kun to the counter while he talked to the manager for leaving early today. Ten wondered what the _trouble_ was, and why was Kun friends with troublemakers in the first place. Seemed liked an odd thing to learn about somebody as straightforward as Kun. _I need to stop assuming everything is simple,_ Ten reminded himself.

 

“Hey, everything okay?” Ten caught Kun lightly by the wrist as he was about to follow the tall guy out of the cafe.

 

“Emergency,” Kun said, clearly stressed.

 

“Can I come? Uh...to help.” Ten didn’t even know what the trouble was but he offered to tag along anyway. He was curious. Sometimes he needed other people’s troubles to remind himself that his own share wasn’t too bad in comparison. Besides, he had nothing planned for the day. May as well, help somebody out.

 

Kun was thoughtful for a second, but he nodded. “Be careful,” he said without looking back, urging Ten to keep up with him as they ran behind Sicheng. He lead them outside the public basketball court. From afar, Ten could see a few people huddled closely. They seemed immobile though, still as statues.

 

Sicheng and Kun were running at this point, towards the group for guys, rather two groups of guys. They seem to be standing uneasily, in a fighting stance. _Probably some argument,_ Ten thought, judging the situation as he tried to keep up with Kun’s speed. What a terrible time to realize that he’s totally out of shape. No stamina. _Maybe I should join Johnny on his morning jogs one of these days,_ he was thinking but soon rejected the idea, remembering what he’d heard this morning. _Nobody wants homophobia that early in the morning, no thanks, I’ll pass._

 

Kun came to a sudden halt and Ten heard him shout “Yuta!”

 

Ten looked at the two groups facing each other. Sicheng was holding a guy up by the waist with his arm thrown over his shoulder, another guy was supporting this guy too. The guy who was being held, probably the one Kun had referred to as Yuta, had blood running down his nose, his cheeks were badly bruised and he was clutching his stomach, groaning every few seconds as slipped in and out of consciousness. Ten saw blood in his teeth and he suddenly felt very queasy.

 

The nausea seemed to spread itself within Ten’s entire body when he saw the people who constituted the other group. Johnny, Jaehyun and Taeyong. He felt nervous and his body started shaking a little. He wasn’t good at handling the sights of violence and coming from the people he knew, he felt worse.

 

The very tall guy that held Kun had so much coldness in his eyes, it scared Ten. He was staring directly into Johnny’s eyes. Their eyes on level with each other looked as if they were fighting a war of their own. Taeyong stood a few steps behind Johnny, looking as bored as he always did. Jaehyun was holding Johnny’s sleeve as if ready to pull him back if the need arises.

 

“This is the second time in a week. Can’t you all sort it out already?” Kun sounded angry. Ten was surprised to hear such furiousness in his voice.

 

Kun began fussing over the injuries clear on Yuta’s face, all the while struggling to support his entire body weight alone. Sicheng had excused himself from the scene politely. Apparently he was friends with both the parties and wanted no part in what was clearly a personal issue that they could only sort out between themselves.

 

"Call me if it gets worse," he told Kun before he walked away and Kun nodded. 

 

Meanwhile, the other guy had also detached himself from Yuta, stepping closer towards Johnny, coldly.

 

“Is that all you do? Fight guys your girl willingly fucks? It’s not our problem that she cheats on you every second day.”

 

“Yeah, it’s not _your_ problem,” Johnny said pointing right into the guy’s face, “but it’s definitely your little friend’s problem. I warned him to stay away from Wendy but seems like he only understands the language of fists. Not once. Twice. There won’t be a third time for him to fuck her, I’ll make sure of that.”

 

That was the most Ten had heard Johnny say in one sentence in a year and with such seriousness. He could see blood on Johnny’s fists. _Yuta’s blood._ It scared him so much. It scared him to think Johnny had such anger in him. His own roommate. The same guy he’d once thought of befriending.

 

“Put your girl on a fucking leash then, if it bothers you so much,” the tall guy spat back.

 

“Hansol!” Kun didn’t like the way Hansol said it. The fight would only aggravate if they kept quarreling like this. He needed to intervene before they punched each other shitless. Yuta was out of it now, so Kun gently stooped down and laid him on the ground. He suddenly remembered that Ten had followed him and his eyes settled on Ten’s shocked face. He seemed very disturbed to say the least. _Oh God, I shouldn’t have led him to see this...mess._ But it was too late to regret it now, and he had another pressing issue at hand.

 

“Ten, please look over him,” Kun said very quietly but surprising Ten heard it and quickly bent near Yuta to make sure he was okay, well as okay as a comatose person could be. The blood was too much to look at, so he kept his eyes fixed at the ground while slowly patting the unconscious guy’s arm. His heart was still beating fast, the heated exchange he was witnessing was too much to process at once. He would have to reevaluate everything he thought about these people. Suddenly, even simple matters seemed complicated.

 

Kun wedged himself between the two parties. He was scared deep down but his face had regained composure from his earlier outburst.

 

“You knocked him out already. What more do you want?” Kun asked Johnny, very calmly but there was disgust in his voice.

 

Johnny sighed at that and just turned around, facing away from the mess he himself had made. It made Ten unreasonably angry to see Johnny’s indifference as he took out his phone and busied himself with a phone-call. When he looked closer, he saw a tiredness on Johnny’s face, as if this was something he had to do every other day, beat people up, deal with _trouble._ Ten still chose not to believe that this was all there is to Johnny. _He must have his reasons, I’m probably too quick to judge. Maybe he loves this girl that much that he would throw punches over it._ Although judging from what Hansol said about this Wendy, made whatever they had seem like a lost cause. Yuta suddenly groaned and it surprised Ten. He called Kun, seeing that the boy was gaining consciousness. He was obviously in a lot of pain, as soon as his eyes opened, his hand shot out to clutch his ribs. He’d probably been punched there, repeatedly. Kun hauled him up again, Hansol was staring at Johnny’s back. His anger still hasd’t dissipated. When Hansol looked at Yuta groaning, his face distorted to reflect pain.

 

“He’s bloody pulp now,” Ten heard Johnny shout into his phone. “Don’t go behind my back again, Wendy. It fucks me up!”

 

“No, I don’t care. I’ll beat him up again if I have to,” Johnny said next. He was arguing with Wendy and it clearly wasn’t helping the situation.

 

It hurt Ten’s head to listen to his enraged voice, so he busied himself with helping Kun carry Yuta. Hansol’s gaze was piercing through Johnny’s skull. Naturally, he didn’t like what Johnny was saying. It was amazing how angry Johnny could make everyone just by talking. He threw words around too casually and it was infuriating.

 

“Where do we take him? Our place is too far. Hospital?” Kun whispered towards Hansol.

 

Hansol shook his head. “He’ll be questioned at the hospital.”

 

Both of them were trying to think of what to do next.

 

Ten piped in. “We can take him to my place. I should have a first aid kit lying around somewhere.”

 

Kun nodded. Hansol hailed a cab.

 

Ten turned to look at Johnny and when their eyes met, Ten felt a surge of anger, some of it was residual of today’s morning, some of it from the state Yuta was in.

 

“Don’t come home today,” Ten said, failing to mask his anger.

 

“I live there too buddy,” Johnny retorted. _Buddy._ There. See, this word alone fueled ten’s anger.

 

“You can live there for the rest 364 days of the fucking year, just don’t come home today. I’m bringing that guy with me.”

 

Johnny’s face tensed up. In the whole year that they had lived together, Ten had never shouted at him like today. What business did he have interfering in his personal matters like this? Johnny was angry too but he decided to be done with this mess. It wasn’t like he was planning to go to that bloody room anyway. He needed to let out his anger somewhere and some time at the gym would do him good. He'll see Wendy afterwards. They needed to sort this shit out. Jaehyun and Taeyong discussed something between themselves and followed Johnny warily.

 

“Leave me alone,” Johnny told them coldly but added a “please” at the end. Both of them understood that they could do nothing to help him. They hadn’t been able to stop Johnny from brawling with Yuta. He did what he had to do, so they left him alone for the meantime.

 

It was a struggle to make Yuta walk down the hallway without hurting him. Hansol had offered to pick him up but Kun had stopped him saying that it will attract too much attention. It’s not like Yuta was dead or something, and he had gained consciousness. He was wincing at every step and at everything Kun was muttering.

 

“I can’t believe you would be so rash, Yuta. Was it worth it? Getting your ribs broken? Making a girl cheat just so you could spite someone. Gosh, you’re so damn petty.” Kun’s scoldings went on and on until they reached Ten’s apartment.

 

“Don’t mind the mess,” Ten said, ushering all of them in and pointed them towards the bedroom, not that it needed any pointing. The flat only had a living area with a small kitchen and one room. He searched for the first aid kid and brought it to them. Kun cleaned Yuta up, but bandages around his wounds, while Hansol helped. Well, at least tried to. All he was actually doing was staring intensely. _Was he trying to heal Yuta telepathically?_ Ten wondered.

 

“Should we call Taeil?” Hansol asked. Kun thought deeply for a second and nodded. Hansol frantically dialled whoever this guy was.

 

“Taeil?” Ten asked, seating himself on the bed, next to Kun.

 

“Yeah, Taeil hyung is a friend of ours. A doctor. Well, a doctor in training. We need to make sure no bones are broken.” Ten nodded. He patted Kun’s back assuringly. The guy was handling so much on his own. Ten felt bad about seeing his forehead so creased, the smile all gone, his voice so low and worried. Ten sucked at cheering up people, so all he could do was give Kun’s back calming little pats. “It’ll be fine,” he said and Kun looked at him gratefully.

 

The whole day passed like that. Taeil came in and examined Yuta. A broken rib. The room fell silent when he announced it. They decided to take him to hospital under Taeil’s assistance. Taeil called an ambulance for Yuta, Kun and Hansol left with them.

 

“Keep me updated. Let me know if I can help with something, hyung.” Ten looked earnest when he said that.

 

“Give me your number then. I’ll text you if anything comes up,” Kun told Ten. Ten’s heart skipped a beat and he knew damn well that this wasn’t the right time for it. So they had exchanged numbers and Ten had decided to put a heart at the end of Kun’s name in his phone. _Be patient, Ten. Now isn’t the right time to text,_ Ten thought as he lay in his bed, staring at the phone screen intensely. He was hoping Kun would text him, but hopes are like a poison Ten had ingested too many times. _No hoping._

 

The day had been very eventful. Now that he had peace, he reflected on how it had went down. He’d almost forgot about Johnny, fretting over Kun and Yuta’s injuries all day. He wondered where Johnny was now. Was he beating someone else up? Was he regretting his deeds? Was he back in Wendy’s arms? Had they broken up? Ten couldn’t even guess what had happened. He realized he knew nothing about Johnny at all. Johnny had outright denied Wendy being his girlfriend, so he probably didn’t want Ten to know anything either.

 

It went on like that. Ten had a hard a time falling asleep and even when he did, the sleep was fitful. He gave up on falling back asleep. It was probably his 19th video on YT when the doorbell rang. He had an idea of who it was but he still looked through the peephole. It was Johnny leaning against the wall opposite his door.

 

Ten carefully nudged the door open and started to walk back to the bed, when Johnny stumbled in crashing into the vase they had on a small table, next to the door. The ceramic broke into pieces and so did Ten’s patience.

 

“What the hell…..” Ten whipped around and saw Johnny pathetically struggling to walk. He was about to fall when Ten caught hold of him. He would deal with the broken vase tomorrow, right now he half dragged Johnny to bed and pushed him onto it. Johnny fell with a muffled thud. Ten thought he’ll probably pass out soon seeing how drunk he was. He was reeking of alcohol and it would have repulsed Ten normally if he wasn’t so tired.

 

Johnny pulled himself and sat, leaning against the headrest. His bloodshot eyes tried to find something to focus on. They settled on Ten’s face. _He looks annoyed. He always looks so annoyed._ Johnny gave a little snort at that thought.

 

“What?” Ten asked, indignantly. He was pretty sure he was laughing at Ten. It was his favourite hobby, after all.

 

“Nothing.” Johnny’s voice was hoarse, a bit nasal. It sounded as if he’d been crying before he came here. Ten did not want to think of Johnny with so much empathy, but he felt bad seeing Johnny in such a state. It was unlike him to be so out of control. He had never seen Johnny look so drained. He looked dog-tired, which was saying something, because on most days Johnny came home after hours and hours of continuous practice and yet he never had the light out of his eyes, that undefeatable light with which Johnny maintained his superiority, but now he looked as if life had finally beaten him. Ten didn’t like it a single bit.

 

“Can you believe it? She just left me,” Johnny’s gaze was steadily fixated on Ten’s face. Ten didn’t think he was actually seeing anything, probably a hazy outline. Alcohol did that. Ten didn’t know how to respond to that. If she had cheated, she probably never cared. Did it really come as a surprise to Johnny that she dropped him like that? _Maybe he just wanted to believe the best in her, we all do that._

 

A frown took shape on Ten’s face. Johnny noticed it.

 

“Did you love her?” Ten asked, tilting his head to make the question seem casual and not something he actually cared to know.

 

Johnny let out a breathy laugh, although it stopped short. “Yeah, she was all I had, for years.”

 

Ten waited for Johnny to continue. Johnny was internally debating whether it was worth telling the story to this boy from whom he had carefully maintained distance. He decided he didn’t care anymore, all was ruined anyway. His life had already begun to change, may as well aid the process.

 

“We grew up together, back in Chicago. Her family had a lot of problems so she spent a lot of time with my family, even Christmas and her birthdays. She was a friend, the only friend I had, possibly my best friend and then one day she kissed me.” His face distorted at the memory but he continued “I realized I needed her to go on living and she needed me more than any person in the world. A stupid thing, really. We were kids. The day she told me she was moving to Seoul to study, I followed her here, without a single question. I’m still a kid, when it comes to her. Always making bad choices.” He had sighed between every sentence, as if it was taking a tremendous amount of energy to recall their story.

 

“I wish we had stayed friends. I loved her like that. But-” Johnny was startled by his own tears, silently leaking from his eyes. He did not even wipe them away. Ten, as if by instinct, sat closer to him and wiped them away. He had no healing words to comfort Johnny. Between them words seemed like mockful little things. They could do without words. They could live without words. What good were words anyway? They only hurt.

 

Tears did not stop. One after another, they fell on Johnny’s shirt, on Ten’s finger that were trying their best to wipe them away before they could land on Johnny’s crestfallen face.

 

 _Strange._ That is how both of them felt. It was strange, this silent exchange between them. Their dynamics had done a complete 180 from what they were this morning.

 

Ten comforted Johnny by being there, wiping his tears away when they fell too hard but he did not stop Johnny from weeping. He needed that. We all need to weep sometimes. He lifted Johnny’s almost lifeless arm and took his fingers between his own.

 

Johnny’s eyes momentarily ceased their weeping, to look at Ten, who was leaning close to Johnny’s side, trying to comfort him like a little puppy. Something in Johnny’s chest swelled, it made him even sadder than he was. _So many regrets._ He’d always been so cold to this boy, for his own reasons but cold nonetheless and here he was, huddling close to him just because Johnny had told him his sob story.

 

“Are you gonna hug me next?” Johnny asked, sniffling slightly, but still managing to mock Ten’s attempt.

 

“Shut up! And sleep. You look like pure shit,” Ten said, but he was smiling.

 

Johnny pushed himself down flat across the bed. He needed sleep. He needed some time without any thoughts in his head. Ten did the same, although he was on his own side of the bed, he was laying closer to Johnny than he had ever before. Johnny’s eyes closed down, tears were drying up on his face but before he drifted off he threw an arm around Ten. He needed warmth tonight. Everything was so cold.

 

Ten’s eyes flew open when a sleepy Johnny’s arm hooked around him. _Too close. He’s too close,_ Ten thought, almost panicking. But the serene look on Johnny’s face, which was very close to his own, made him calm down. He looked so peaceful while he was asleep, as if nothing that happened today had actually happened at all. Only a little wetness on his face showed that he was crying only moments ago. Ten wiped the last droplets from Johnny’s soft face and let his eyes fall shut too. The heaviness of Johnny’s arm around him made him feel secure. He snuggled deeper into the sheets and let sleep take him willingly.

 

 _This is peaceful too, even though there is someone next to me. Peaceful._ That was the last thought Ten had that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, this isn't solely a Johnten fic, I'm just building up the story. More Kunten and Yukten centric plot in the next chapters. Stay tuned. Sorry about the long chapters, I guess I have too much spare time on my hands these days. As always, thank you for reading. <3


	4. The Horrible Thing That Hope Is

Ten woke up startled. He felt something tickle his neck. Ten had such a deep-seated fear of bugs or anything capable of crawling that it was almost an invariable part of his nature to scream at the mere sight of them. So thinking that a spider had probably found its way up his neck, his eyes flew open, unnaturally wide. Coming to his senses, he noticed a weight pressing close to him. It was Johnny. His soft brown hair were nuzzling into Ten’s neck. He was lying on his stomach, facing Ten, head snuggled in the crook of Ten’s neck. Ten heaved a sigh of relief, thankful that no spider had invaded his territory today but his heart immediately resumed pumping at a freakish speed at the realization that it was Johnny on his side, who had never before crossed to Ten’s side over the invisible line they had drawn on their bed. It was strange because it was Johnny and Johnny wasn’t the type to let his guard down, no matter how roughness his life dealt him. Johnny’s hair smelt sweeter than the rest of him, Ten couldn’t help but notice.  _ Being creepy first thing in the morning, way to degrade yourself Ten,  _ he dissed himself.

 

Careful not to disturb Johnny, he painstakingly slid himself from the bed. The sunlight trickled inside the room through the gaps between the billowing curtains, forming fragmented shapes on their hardwood floor. Ten lightly shut the window first, closing up the curtains and once again, the darkness enshrouded Johnny’s inert form. It must be well past 9, Ten noticed. Johnny still wasn’t up. It was unusual for Johnny to sleep past 6 no matter how tired and broken he had come home the day before.  _ I guess, loss of love is really that impactful, huh?  _ Ten mused. He walked across the room to the bathroom, partly wondering, partly worrying about Johnny’s behaviour. 

 

Ten was all washed up, neat and dressed in his favourite black jeans with knee rips and oversized lavender sweatshirt. He had his apron on as he made breakfast.  _ For two.  _ He didn’t want to admit that he was trying to be nice to Johnny and simply behaved as if all that extra serving of food was for himself, you know, if he wanted more than usual. Johnny’s mood would decide where the extra serving goes, if he acts all cranky, it may as well go to the dustbin. 

 

Ten’s ears perked up at the sound of Johnny groaning, which he did whenever he stretched. Don’t ask why Ten knew that. Ten poked his head in the doorframe and looked at Johnny. Johnny’s eyes were still sleepy but seeing Ten so suddenly, made them go alert.

 

“I made omelettes and toast for us.” Ten tried to sound neutral.

 

Johnny nodded. Ten waited. They both gaped, awkwardly.

 

“Want me to bring it here?” Ten asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

 

Johnny felt as if it was trick question but he felt too drained to sit up in a chair. “Please?” he asked, unsure whether Ten would comply.

 

“Alright.” 

 

“What about your no-eating-inside-bedroom rule?” Johnny asked incredulously. He was wide awake now.

 

“I guess, being dumped gives you some privileges,” Ten said, pursing his lips to suppress his smile.

 

“Ouch.” Johnny said in a deadbeat voice but as soon as Ten went back to the kitchen, he snorted.  _ He’s feisty today, not at all annoyed. That’s new.  _ Johnny’s mind was engrossed with these thoughts as he brushed his mouth, surprised at how bad his breath smelled because of the alcohol. Thoughts about yesterday, Johnny tried to keep at bay, he wouldn’t dare showing Ten his weakness again. Wendy would come around, Ten will eventually start being annoyed by him again, he would resume his life. But today, Johnny decided to allow himself a day of rest, a day of absolute-nothing, alone. Ten was welcome to stay with him but he wasn’t going to extend any special invitation. 

 

He sat atop the sheets, feet crossed, hair still wet from the shower, slicked back. Ten bought in two plates, loaded with omelettes, toast, butter and bacon. He went back and returned with a carton of juice and two classes. He placed the plates on the bed but told Johnny to hold his glass in his hands. Ten would go batshit crazy if something ever spilled on the sheets. It would be the last straw. Johnny probably knew that because his grip on the glass was pretty tight. 

 

They ate in relative silence. When they were about to finish, Johnny prodded Ten. “So what’s your the plan for the day?”

 

Ten was thinking as he gulped his juice down. “Hmmmm, it’s Sunday, right? Well, no college obviously, although art clu…Oh shit! Oh god, I forgot.” Ten scrambled for his phone. He had left Lucas’s text unanswered for two days. He was supposed to have scheduled a slot with him. Lucas would only give him weekends, that much was clear. Saturday was hellishly hectic and now he only had a day until next week. 

 

“God, I’m so fuckin’ clumsy. How could I forget. He’s going to be so smug about it,” Ten was muttering to himself as he dialled Lucas’s number.

 

Johnny’s eyes shot so far up his forehead, they almost greeted his hairline.  _ Interesting,  _ he thought, slowly chewing on a piece of toast. It was amusing to watch Ten mess and curse. 

 

“What’s wro-” Johnny was interrupted when Ten starting speaking to the person on the end of the line. 

 

“Lucas! I forgot to ask, are you free today? I need to start working asap,” Ten said, in one go without catching his breath or waiting for Lucas to even speak. Now he waited. There was a brief silence on the other end and Lucas spoke.

 

“Ten hyung. So you  _ do  _ have this number. I thought you changed it ‘cause you didn’t even reply to my text.” He sounded a little pissed. Ten knew he had tread carefully otherwise Lucas will cancel today’s session and Ten would have to beg him.

 

“Oh, well, uh something urgent came up. What about today? Are you free?” Ten tried to divert his attention from this topic.

 

“Something urgent?” Lucas pressed. It was doing it on purpose, to annoy Ten. 

 

“Yeah, some trouble,” Ten said, glancing at Johnny who was staring right back at him, attentively listening to everything Ten was saying.

 

“You still get in trouble? Haha you haven’t changed at all, hyung,” Lucas was deliberately stretching the conversation, not answering the question Ten had asked twice already. He was annoyed that Ten had ignored him for two whole days. Who does that? Who avoids Lucas? 

 

“Not more than yourself. Are we meeting today then?” Ten was at the end of his rope.

 

“Yeah, I’m mostly free. See you at noon.” Lucas dictated the time, rather than asking for it.

 

“Alright, you know where the art studio is, right?” Ten questioned.

“Mmm, alright. Bye hyung.” Lucas hung up.

 

Ten sighed to himself. He decided to save his frustration. Lucas will not have the joy of annoying him. Not today. He could feel Johnny still looking at him with curiosity, so he deliberately avoided Johnny’s gaze. He didn’t feel like explaining that a guy younger than himself was causing so much hassle for him and that Ten could hardly do anything to handle him.

 

“Where you heading?” Johnny asked when he saw Ten pushing stuff into his bag with an expression so solemn he looked as if he was going to a funeral. 

 

“To work on that art..thingy I told you about,” Ten replied without looking back. He was packing his art supplies and all other stuff he could possibly need. He walked over to the closet and took out the old black t-shirt he didn’t care for and worn whenever he had to paint. It had stubborn paint marks splattered all over it. The material and its ruggedness felt odd in Ten’s hands now, he’d stayed away from making nay art for a while now, locked up in his room or a library with books he didn’t necessarily care for. Art was too precious to him, so precious in fact that when he didn’t feel okay he would not even go near it, fearing that his own despondency would seep into what he made. It was such a waste.

 

Deadlines were surprisingly a good source of motivation and the fear of disappointing his club members drove him to at least begin working on the project however hard it may be. Hard, because Lucas was playing at being a jerk and Ten could not do anything but chase the red dot like a cat. 

 

“That guy your model?” Johnny’s question broke Ten’s reverie.

 

Ten nodded but all he wanted to do was shake his head just thinking about the bothersome day he had ahead. Johnny was surprisingly civil today, clearing up Ten’s plate along with his own and almost immediately proceeding to clean the dishes. Ten watched in amazement, before he left the apartment, bracing himself for the upcoming torment.  _ Coffee! I definitely need some caffeine in my system today. _

 

Engrossed in his thoughts, against the background of indie music playing in his ears, he entered the cafe, expecting to be there like always. He wasn’t. At least Ten couldn’t see him anywhere. Even though it made him feel slightly anxious, he walked up to the counter to inquire about Kun.

 

A young guy, smiling wide but with brows knit in slight annoyance, greeted Ten. His name tag read  _ Doyoung _ , Ten mustered up the nicest smile he had and asked “Is Kun hyung here today?”

 

Doyoung studied him for a second. Under his scrutiny, Ten seemed to squirm and stand uneasily..Doyoung finally responded.

 

“Nope, he isn’t. Aren’t you the guy who left without paying yesterday?” 

Ten’s eyes widened so much, Doyoung feared they’d pop out. Ten’s anxiety shot up and his face became a flustered mess. These few seconds seemed like an eternity of Ten standing there scared, not knowing what to say. He managed to mutter out an apology.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave...so suddenly. I’ll pay it now...if that’s okay,” Ten seemed genuinely flustered and apologetic.

 

Doyoung merely laughed. “Chill, I was joking. I already put in on Kun’s tab. He should be here any minute now, his shift begins in about 15 minutes,” Doyoung said, looking at his watch. “He likes to come in early,” he added, trying to calm Ten. He was only joking but the boy’s state was sorry to say the least. 

 

“Would you like to order something while you wait?” Doyoung helped Ten who probably felt weird standing there so unsurely.

 

“Um..yes, please. Can I have a green tea latte?” Ten asked, grateful for the escape. Coffee and anxiety didn’t go well together, so a latte it was,

 

He decided to text Kun while he waited instead of cringing over every embarrassing thing he’d ever done.

 

[Ten, 10:49 am] Hyung, is everything okay?

 

[Kun, 10:52 am] Hi, Ten. Yes, everything is alright. I’m omw to work, will explain later.

 

[Ten, 10:52 am] I’m waiting at your workplace. See you :)

 

Only a few minutes later, Kun walked in looking like he had not slept in years. His usual smile was still there but weak and looked as if it was simply a gesture of habit and not something intrinsic. Ten felt bad for having had a peaceful night with the perpetrator of yesterday’s violence while Kun probably spent the night in the hospital fretting over Yuta who was the victim of Johnny’s violence. It was unfair. Johnny did not deserve to be cheated upon, ,Yuta did not deserve to get beaten. Yet both had happened, Ten just felt sorry for Kun getting dragged into the whole mess. He deserved better. Kun deserved the best.

 

Ten got up to greet Kun and automatically Kun’s eyes met his. Kun’s smile widened then, not nearly as much as he wanted to but still enough to make his heart skip a beat.

 

“Hi, you were waiting for me?” Kun asked as he walked towards Ten’s table before clocking in. Ten saw amazement in his eyes. Was he really that surprised that Ten came to see him.

 

“Yeah, I was wondering if you were okay...and Yuta. You didn’t text,” Ten felt very shy, suddenly.

 

“My phone’s battery died. It was a long day. And night,” Kun explained with a sigh. Ten noticed his sunken eyes.

 

“You look tired,” Ten said.

 

“I am,” Kun smiled but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Ten wanted to talk then but knew Kun’s shift was about to begin. Ten nodded and Kun went behind the counter into the staff room. Ten watched him trudge his way. He didn’t want to leave yet, besides Lucas wasn’t gonna show up till noon. He still had an hour to himself. He studied the weather outside through the blue-tinted windows. It was a bit windy, Ten saw leaves fly across the road. It was calming somehow to sit inside peacefully while the winds picked up outside and the gray of the sky deepened and deepened till it became dark as night. It did. 

 

Kun slid in the chair next to him. A few minutes of work had cheered him up considerably. Ten had dimmed, Kun noticed. For a second none of them spoke, then Ten asked “Hyung, is he okay?”

 

“Well, he isn’t okay now but he will be. He’s resting,” Kun explained. He didn’t want Ten to worry. He wanted to ask Ten about Johnny, assuming that something must have surely went down between the two judging from the way they argued yesterday, but he decided not to. 

 

He didn’t have to ask, because Ten spoke up anyway. “Johnny….hyung wasn’t okay either. I know it’s not my place to do so but I’m really sorry for what he did,” Ten eyes wandered away from Kun’s face. 

 

“Ten, it’s between the two of them. You and I can’t do the apologizing by ourselves.” 

 

Ten nodded. Kun nodded with him. Both of them nodded like that, a sign of mutual understanding that what happened yesterday wasn’t the fault of a single person.

 

Just then, Kun’s phone rang. The screen lit up with a picture of a pretty girl wrapped up in Kun’s arm, both of them were smiling equally bright, all teeth, all lovey. Ten felt his heart clench. Assumption or not, Ten felt like he had glimpsed the most private part of Kun’s life, his love-life and it felt like a stab to the heart. A stubborn lump formed in his throat and all he knew was that ‘hoping’ had become his eternal enemy, his foolishness.

 

Kun’s smiled at the screen as if his day had been made by this single phone call. Ten heard him greet the girl brightly, talk to her as if she was someone whom Kun knew inside out and cherished. Every second that phone call went on, Ten felt like a fool sitting, waiting and hoping what he was witnessing wasn’t true. But it was. Kun ended the phone call with an “I love you,” and Ten knew for sure then that somebody else had Kun’s heart. If Kun noticed the frown on Ten’s face, he didn’t address it. Ten looked ready to leave, and Kun let him. He had an inkling about why Ten looked so dispirited. 

  
  


As Ten walked to the campus, after paying two bills and whispering Kun a goodbye, he wished he’d brought a jacket. He felt so terribly cold and everything felt pointless. This damned art project felt like a mountain now, waiting to be tackled. Right then, the only thing he wanted to do was to wallow in his misery, curled up in blankets but there was, walking quicker and quicker because Lucas would throw a tantrum if he turned up late. Ten hoped that Lucas will be distracting enough today, whether good and bad. 

 

And he was.  _ Distracting enough.  _ For once, Ten's hope hadn't failed him.

  
  



	5. A Secret For A Secret?

Lucas was pacing the room back and forth till Ten entered. He was late and as annoyed as Lucas was he couldn’t bring himself to nag Ten who looked so fragile and delicate in his oversized sweatshirt and with his nose slightly pink with the cold.

 

“Uh, sorry,” Ten said before Lucas could even begin to accuse him. Lucas eyed Ten with amusement while seating himself in one of the many chairs scattered across the room. 

 

“It’s alright hyung, as long as you weren’t late on purpose,” Lucas said, watching Ten carefully to detect whether he had actually been late intentionally. Ten looked surprised.

 

“Why would I even do that? I’m not petty…” Ten wanted to add “like you” at the end but decided against it. Lucas saw through what Ten meant. 

 

“Shall we begin?” Ten asked, while busying himself with taking stuff out of his backpack, picking a canvas for the work and positioning himself right across from where Lucas sat. Lucas sat languidly, almost draped in his chair, arms lying across the armrests. He hummed in reaction to Ten’s question and sat up properly. With a quick and easy motion, he took his white shirt off. When Ten looked up from arranging the oil paints, his eyes grew wider and wider at the sight in front of him : a shirtless Lucas sitting there as a model would. He had definitely grown since their school days, his shoulders were almost as broad as the big chair, his chest chiseled like a God, his toned biceps and abs seemed to invite attention, unabashed. It took Ten some time to compose himself, his eyes kept wandering to all the exposed parts of Lucas who had a smug look on his face, as if he knew how flustered Ten felt. It was unusual, really. Ten had drawn fully naked men and women, objectively, not once feeling embarrassed  or uneasy. It was probably because he knew Lucas that he felt strange. Did he like what he was seeing?  _ Absolutely.  _ Would he ever admit it?  _ Nope.  _

 

Now it was Ten’s turn to change into the old black shirt he wears whenever he makes art. It would be a bit odd to go out the room just to change and it was even odder to change right then and there because Lucas was looking directly at Ten, with no intention to look away to give him some space, even though he had the shirt in his hands and was clearly waiting to change. Ten sighed and turned his back to Lucas, taking off is huge sweatshirt and the black shirt underneath to delicately put on the worn out one. When he turned around, he found Lucas smirking.  _ Tiny as ever,  _ Lucas was thinking. Ten shot him a glare and began working.

 

The time was of essence, especially in this case because it was impossible to get Lucas to sit still. Ten had to request Lucas to not squirm that much, to no avail. So Ten let Lucas take frequent breaks, shirtless, adding to how distracted Ten felt. But he still managed to make progress on the painting. A couple of more hours and he’d be done. But it was already evening and Lucas looked impatient, eager to leave. It would be selfish to ask him stay longer, so he got to cleaning up while Lucas stretched tiredly and donned his shirt back again. Ten kept glancing at Lucas but said nothing.

 

As they walked out the campus together, Lucas voice kept faltering. It was the chill air that had him shivering. He wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather and Ten wondered whether he should offer his sweatshirt but decided not to, it would be awfully cheesy. In the past, they did stuff for each other, Lucas sometimes fed him, Ten did Lucas’s homework for him and stuff like that. They didn’t know but they had cared for each other. That was the past, though. Now they were as unfamiliar as two people could be. Although Lucas’s manners were the same, his demeanor wasn’t. He was snarky and troublesome, but not nearly as happy as once Ten had known him. There was almost an undercurrent of weariness to his voice if you listened closely as if it was hard to keep up the smiles that reached the eyes. Often they hung low, moody. 

 

“Hyung, let’s go inside,” Lucas said pointing to a small chinese restaurant at the end of the lane. Ten looked at him in total confusion. 

 

“I’m sure it’s warmer inside,” Lucas offered an explanation but Ten still looked perplexed.

 

“Dinner, hyung? You wanna have it with me?” Lucas stated, directly, realizing that it was useless dropping hints when it comes to Ten.

 

“Oh,” Ten reacted.  _ Oh. He’s asking me for dinner.  _

 

Ten nodded, too embarrassed at the situation and his inability to catch what Lucas hinted. In his defence, it was uncharacteristic of Lucas to ask him about it, considering they’re not best buddies anymore, but he went along nonetheless. A good dinner would be nice.

They talked about a lot of things. Ten was surprised they talked at all, but once they started talking, conversation flowed and flowed. They discussed the past, their present lives, so wildly different from each other’s. At one point, while Lucas busied himself with food, the memory from that morning fell on him hard like a rock.  _ Kun. _ Again, his eyelids drooped gloomily. He did not like the way his heart felt heavier now. These emotions should have waited till he was in bed, but they came now and he could do nothing but frown. His appetite weakened and Lucas noticed it soon enough. Ten was bringing the mood down, Lucas’s own seemed to coming down with it.

 

“What’s wrong hyung?” Lucas asked. Ten shook his head and forced himself to resume eating. He smiled too, though it clearly looked unnatural and forced. Lucas’s jaw tightened. He was thinking.

 

“I remembered something. Doesn’t matter,” Ten revealed and dismissed at once. 

 

“Hyung, do you remember what we used to do?” Lucas asked, looking thoughtful.

 

Ten knew exactly what Lucas was talking about. The memory made him smile.  _ We were sweet kids. _ “A secret for a secret,” Ten mumbled, his voice was barely audible, as if this was an intimate thing, only to be shared between them. 

 

Lucas nodded. “A secret for a secret,” he repeated after Ten.

 

Something flashed in both their eyes, nostalgia, a yearning for the simpleness of their childhood and the bond they had. 

 

Ten decided to let himself loose for once. He took a deep breath and told him all about Kun and a few parts that involved Johnny, leaving out a few things here and there. Lucas was very calm for once. He listened patiently and when Ten was done talking, his face wore an unreadable expression. Ten didn’t know what to make of it. Was he being judged?  _ No, Lucas never judges. He laughs at you but never hurtfully.  _ He waited, for Lucas to say something but he was quiet and somehow Ten was grateful for it. He didn’t need any consolations, he just needed an ear to listen to him and he had it. They were briefly interrupted by the plates being cleared away and the bill was placed on their table.

 

“My treat,” Ten placed his hand on the bill, fishing notes out of his pocket with the other hand. Lucas quietly thanked him. 

 

As they walked back out into the cold air, Lucas looked contemplative.

 

“Thinking what secret to give in exchange?” Ten inquired and Lucas smiled, looking ahead the road.

 

“You know me,” he said.

 

“Not everything,” Ten insisted.

 

A bench came into the view as they walked on. They were on a street that consisted mostly of offices and it was late night so it was mostly empty. Every now and then a car buzzed past but there was hardly anyone but them walking along the brightly lit street. The bench’s back was pressed towards a concrete wall, shadowed in comparison to the road they walked on. Lucas took a seat. Ten followed and sat next to him. They could still see each other’s faces, even without lights above them directly.

 

Lucas muttered something but stopped abruptly. He fell into thought again. Where should he start, he was wondering. How do you explain stuff about broken families anyway? Because you’d need to place the blame somewhere and Lucas wasn’t sure that it rested on one person entirely. 

 

Again he tried but failed, this time looking even sadder. The words that came to his head weren’t right, weren’t accurate enough to describe what he felt. He wanted to give up but knew Ten was expecting.

 

Ten noticed how tensed he looked and tried to make it easy for him. He knew the secret must be heavy if it had Lucas struggling like this.

 

“Don’t bother with big words. You’ve never been good at articulation anyway,” Ten remarked, in a failed attempt to make the situation lighter.

 

Lucas seemed genuinely hurt at that. He bit his bottom lip and looked at the pavement with a sullen face. When he looked back at Ten his eyes were slightly glossy. Ten immediately regretted saying what he had said.

“Lucas-”   
  


“No, hyung, I know I’m not good with words but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. Why do you treat me as if I’m not a human. I feel all these terrible emotions that I don’t know what to do with, but I keep them to myself because I don’t want to make people around me gloomy. But-” Lucas sniffed and looked away. 

 

Ten felt his heart drop a million feet below him.  _ Terrible emotions.  _ He felt sorry for Lucas and more sorry for himself for ever thinking that Lucas was less of a human. Of course Lucas felt stuff, not everyone was out to put their emotions on display like Ten. Ten decided he would feel horrible about his prejudices later, right now he needed to comfort Lucas who was sniffling with the saddest look on his face.

 

“Lucas, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

 

Lucas shook his head, interrupting, for a second, whatever Ten intended to say. He was not accepting Ten’s half-assed apology. 

 

Ten continued with a heavier voice, “I’m stupid Lucas. I’m...sorry.”

 

There. Lucas got what he wanted and it was so funny that Lucas could not continue acting. His facade was blown off by the sudden burst of laughter that escaped his lips. He mimicked what Ten had said in a comical way. He was laughing so hard, tears fell off from his crinkled eyes.

 

Ten just sat there, looking dumbstruck and stupid. He couldn’t believe Lucas did it again, fooled him. But then again, Lucas was always pulling off shit like this. Ten was more shocked than enraged, shocked at himself for taking this brat seriously for a second and feeling genuinely sorry for his troublesome ass. 

 

Lucas was still laughing, holding his stomach, trying to catch breaths in between bursts of laughter. Ten felt annoyed at himself for falling for Lucas’s trap and at Lucas for fooling him with something so serious. He wanted to shut Lucas up, shut his mouth so he would stop laughing like that at Ten. He seriously considered punching the light out of Lucas’s absurdly handsome face. A bruise would satisfy Ten, or even the shock on his mocking face would make him feel better. He just wanted Lucas to shut up and stop laughing. It was getting on his nerves, bringing his anger to the surface.

 

Lucas finally stopped laughing, when Ten’s lips crashed against his mouth.  _ I just had to shut him up and this works perfectly well too,  _ Ten thought to himself. That  _ did  _ shut Lucas up for a good second. A second, because Ten had already done he wanted to, which was to shut Lucas up, so he pulled away, feeling accomplished, a smirk plastered across his wet lips. The shock on Lucas’s face was tastier than anything he had eaten in days. Not tastier than his lips though, Ten pondered but soon swatted the thought away. He was no perv, but whichever chapstick Lucas wore tasted great. Vanilla?

 

So while Lucas looked utterly disheveled, Ten had the foxiest smile on his face, and Lucas emerging out of his bewilderment, decided that he loved it. This could be one of his secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda done with this story at this point. Don't know if I'll continue it. But thank you for reading. :)


	6. Giving Up On Goodbyes

Ten was surprised to find Johnny shoving his clothes in a suitcase. His heart seemed to stop for a moment. Was Johnny leaving this apartment? For a minute, he stood in the doorway, not knowing how to approach Johnny. He didn't want to seem too needy but he definitely did not want Johnny to leave this way. Yes, Johnny annoyed him sometimes but that was their bond.

 

Johnny continued to pack even when he heard Ten sit on the bed with a considerable amount of noise. He could feel Ten's eyes digging into his back.

 

“Going somewhere?” Ten asked, trying to sound as casual as he possibly could.

 

Johnny hummed in response. He zipped up the suitcase and picking his cap from the desk, he exited the bedroom. Ten heard the suitcase being dragged away in the living room towards the main doorway. He quickly followed. Johnny was putting on his shoes when he explained to an expectant-looking Ten.

 

“I’m visiting my cousin for a few days, about 3 hours away.”

 

Ten nodded, relieved. He didn’t know what else to do, so he stood there awkwardly, watching Johnny fumble with the laces. Finally, Johnny booked a cab and waited. 

 

Ten was still eyeing Johnny, not with any intentions, when Johnny’s phone chimed. The cab was outside their building, waiting to be boarded. Ten expected Johnny to walk out then and there knowing fully well that Johnny never said goodbyes but he was caught off-guard when Johnny stood right in front of and leaned down to leave a kiss on his forehead, gently. When he withdrew, Ten was left standing there, surprised but giddy at the lingering feeling of Johnny’s lips on his forehead. It was one of those times when small things are so overwhelming that you just want to scream or cry or anything at all. The door was still ajar from Johnny leaving and Ten shut it quietly, wishing he knew what was on Johnny’s mind. Well, he could just ask.

 

Ten practically ran across the room and leaned out the window to shout his question at Johnny below who was about to enter the cab, “What was that, Johnny Seo?”

 

Johnny looked up, startled by the noise but the sight of Ten leaning on the window ledge, his hair struggling to stay in place against the wind made him smile. Ten saw Johnny smile up at him before he climbed in, shutting the door. The cab drove out of Ten’s sight, honking until it became a set of two little red dots among a sea of others on the road that led one right out of the city.

 

He stood there for a while, idly. He had nothing to do. Normally his mind would be occupied with thoughts like ‘I should shower before he does,’ or ‘God, he makes such a mess, why do I have to tidy up after him.’ Tonight it was just Ten and his empty mind in this apartment. The bed was all his. There were no random articles of clothing lying around. It was a very faint feeling but it was there in the back of Ten’s mind: this place didn’t feel much like a home. Why did Johnny have to leave him so late at night? Could he not have left during the day like normal people? But then again, Johnny hardly fit the category of  _ normal _ . Who mocks you all their life and then leave you a kiss on the forehead suddenly one day. Ten’s fingers traced his forehead. This is something he will possibly never forget.

His phone chimed. The screen lit up with Johnny’s text sending a wave of excitement through Ten. 

 

The text read “A parting gift. That’s the answer to your question.” 

 

Ten had thought Johnny hadn’t even heard what he had shouted from the 4th-floor window but apparently, he had.

 

He smiled and texted back “don’t act like you’ll be gone for a year or sth.”

 

Ten almost squealed when he saw what Johnny had to say to that.

 

[Johnny, 22:56] Woulda smooched you instead if I were.       

 

Ten launched himself on the bed, face down, burying all his emotions, his embarrassing screech in the white sheets that unforgivingly smelled like Johnny’s stupid and addicting cologne. He could practically hear Johnny’s laughter while he must have typed it out, probably proud that he could play Ten however he liked, even from a distance.

 

Hitting the bed eased his embarrassment somewhat and he was beginning to recover when his phone chimed again. His heartbeat spiked at the sound. Was it Johnny again? He peeked at the screen and his face fell, for a reason not entirely bad, when he saw who it was from.

 

[Kun, 23:12] We changed our breakfast menu. You might wanna come around. I’ll give you a discount. :)

 

Ten closed his eyes to take a deep breath. Today had been so long. Ten, in that moment, thought that he didn’t deserve Kun. He was haughty and Kun was kind. He could never be more than an impediment to Kun’s happiness. He cherished Kun’s existence too much to let him go simply because he felt that his affections were not being reciprocated. He’d take whatever Kun offered, some kind words, friendship, even a small discount on his coffee.  _ At least I’ll get to see him smile like he does, _ Ten thought.

 

He typed out a response. “Still waiting for you to spice up your boring waffle menu. I’ll drop by tomorrow.” and hit send.

 

He was expecting a response from Kun in a minute or two but nothing came. It was nearly midnight. His head was beginning to hurt, a dull pain behind the eyes discouraged him from staring at his mobile screen any longer, so he took a shower and dived into the sheets. Interacting with so many people in a single day was extremely tiring for someone like Ten, but it had its benefits, for example: passing out as soon as you hit the bed.

 

He slept well, mainly because he’d been exhausted, also because he could stretch out his body without fearing that he’d kick Johnny or something, thirdly because he slept on Johnny’s side of the bed. It’s not the first time he did it but he still could not bring himself to agree that it was a problem. 

 

Ten woke up unnaturally early, without an alarm, even without Johnny making a ruckus like he usually did. He sat up, a bit out of his senses and scanned the room. It felt so empty. His morning grogginess coupled with the anxiety of having to step out into the world magnified Johnny’s absence. There was a growing-hole in his chest, he felt. Quickly he shook himself out of his sleep and jumped into action. He busied himself with getting ready to avoid his thoughts from weighing him down and it worked wonders for him, it always did. 

  
  


Ten never actually minded the cold weather. Of course, he only valued the sun because he saw so less of it but chilly weather kept him sane, to say the least. The world was so much more calmer this way. Extra layers of clothing, steam from the mug of coffee in your hands warming your face, people walking by fast, shivering but quiet, to reach their destination as soon as possible; it all made him feel like there was a scheme of things bigger than him, that the world was so vast and people had purpose to be able to live in it and even if you didn’t have one you could go home and snuggle under the blankets. Such thoughts rolled around in his mind as he made his way to the cafe for a purpose: to look at Kun and not expect anything in return. And waffles, to be honest.

 

By now, his eyes had already grown accustomed to looking for Kun as soon as he entered the cafe. There he was, taking an order at a table to the left, back turned to Ten but Ten could tell he was smiling warmly. As Kun turned around, he noticed Ten smiling softly at him. Their eyes met with contentment. A feeling of happiness swirled up Ten’s chest. Kun looked like he had recovered from the whole Johnny-Yuta ordeal, his eyes had regained their tranquil quality. In a matter of minutes, Kun had a whole breakfast tasting palette served across Ten’s table, much to Ten’s amazement.

 

“God, please don’t tell me I have to pay for all this,” Ten asked.

 

Kun merely laughed. They couldn’t talk for too long as Kun obviously had work to do. Ten was content to be able to steal glances at Kun who was busy attending to his duties. 

 

“How’s your friend?” 

 

Dropping himself in the chair next to Ten, Kun replied “Better. He’s eating now. You should drop by the hospital to see him someday. How is  _ your _ friend?”

 

“He’s………..okay and away,” Ten answered. Saying the word “away” out loud dampened his mood a bit. He would have to return to an empty house again and it was something he didn’t think he’ll grow used to so easily after having lived with Johnny for a whole year.

 

“Are you okay, Ten?” Kun asked out of the blue.

 

Ten didn’t know why that simple question almost made him tear up as it did. Of course, he was okay (almost) but the question itself seemed to have undone something inside Ten, like a well, brimming with water, threatening to spill. But he held back, it wasn’t something he could explain and it was definitely not something he wanted to burden Kun with. 

 

So he just nodded. “I am. Are you?”

 

A sad smile. Kun didn’t think he could talk about it either. So they both just nodded and smiled. Kun urged Ten to try all the new additions and give honest reviews. Ten exaggerated his reactions and Kun laughed at them. They chatted about other stuff while Ten filled up the feedback form. Ten was thankful that Kun didn’t charge him for any of the food, since it was for tasting purposes only, as he explained later.

 

“Thank you, Kun, for the food and everything,” Ten said, holding Kun’s hand in his own before leaving.

 

And Kun covered Ten’s hands with his free one. “Anytime.”

 

“I mean it,” Ten said, earnestly.

 

“I know.”

 

With this, they parted: an unsaid promise, there’ll be a day after another where they’ll continue to be a cherished part of each other’s routine. Although they wanted more, this would do. On cold days like today, it felt more than enough to be able to find warmth in another person, more so, if you knew the person but nothing about them and the part of their lives you cannot see. It was profound and so beautifully simple, Ten was learning not to mind being so insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. He was learning that it was okay to not be the greatest person out there, it was enough to be good. He was happy to make someone happy, especially when he had always failed at it.

 

He was free for the day. Well, he had classes but he wasn’t planning to attend them. He rarely did. He was more of a study-by-self person. So there he was, walking down an empty street to nowhere-in-particular, free as a bird. The sun shone pleasantly and eased the impact of chilly winds against his face. He was yet to decide whether he should drop by the art studio or go home to take a sad nap.

 

 

Although it was incredibly awkward at first, Ten didn’t mind Lucas sitting right next to him. What had passed between them last night, mostly at Ten’s behest, stood between them like a door, half ajar. They couldn’t acknowledge it, nor could they go on pretending that nothing of that sort had happened. Lucas was avoiding Ten’s eyes. Ten was adamant about looking at him. He was glad to be exercising some sort of control over Lucas. It was almost funny, at one point, to see Lucas’s cheeks turn red. For all his snarkiness, Lucas was awfully shy today. 

 

“Oh come on, I only called you here, so I could take a photo of you. I’ll need it to make the finishing touches to the painting. Go, sit there.” Ten pointed to a chair placed in front of him.

 

Lucas made no move to get up. “Take it here.”

 

_ Prick.  _ “I need the right lighting. Go. I can’t call you here again and again.”

 

Lucas raised an eyebrow at that.

 

“You hate seeing me that much?” Lucas didn’t mean to sound as serious as it came out.

 

Ten was taken aback. “Uh, no-” Before he could finish, Lucas’s feet had already led him to the chair positioned near the shuttered window, facing a lamp light directly. “Kidding,” Lucas said, as he sat but his face was serious.

 

It took some efforts but Ten finally got one that would do. 

 

“Well, thanks.” Ten dismissed, but Lucas was engrossed in looking at the incomplete painting Ten had made of him.  _ It’s beautiful,  _ he thought, as his fingers ran lightly across the canvas. Ten stood next to him, observing his firsthand reaction, smiling at the innocence of it.

 

“You like it?” Ten asked, softly, which brought Lucas out of his musing.

 

He nodded. He didn’t have it in him to mock something so pretty. He looked at Ten and saw a happy glowing pair of eyes staring right back at him, happy that his work had been praised. His lips curled up looked so cute, Lucas wanted to taste them again.

 

The proximity was dangerous, the tension from yesterday’s kiss was taut. Ten was tiptoeing and Lucas was pulled in by the gravity of this passionate moment. Their lips met hastily, greedily, as if this is something they could have only have a few times and no more. Ten ran his fingers through Lucas’s soft brown hair and Lucas held him in place, by the waist. Ten had to slow down the pace, they’ll be breathless at this rate.

 

Being pushed against the table, Ten ended up knocking art supplies off in the process. Mid-kiss, his eyes widened. He was mouthing “oh my god,” against Lucas’s lips when Lucas pulled away, and looking at the wet paint smudged on the floor, only said “too bad,” before taking Ten’s lips with his own again. The next few minutes passed in frenzied passion but considerable restraint, they were both painfully aware of the not-so-good-general-relationship they had. Will things change? Did it matter? Lucas was too occupied tasting Ten. Ten was busy struggling to hold himself up to Lucas’s height.

 

When they finally broke away, Ten felt that hollow feeling in his chest again. The kiss was so good, Lucas’s lips were so soft and his hands, warm. It was such a waste having to return to an empty bed again.

 

“What is it?” Lucas was quick to notice Ten’s pained expression.

 

Ten shook his head. “It’s just that I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

 

“You don’t have to be,” Lucas whispered, softly against his face.

 

There was a pause. Ten took a deep breath and broke the wall standing between them, a wall of childish ego. Back in school, their friendship was a game of push and pull for control, of needing and giving, of giving and taking pride in it. Of course, it was what children did. They wanted to feel important. Somehow this game had survived between them. They had met here again so suddenly, they did not know how to act, so out of habit they had taken up the same behavior with each other like when they were just kids, playing in each other’s backyards.

 

They can be friends again, surely, after they had smooched each other enough but neither of them seemed to grow tired of kissing. 

 

“Come home with me,” Ten looked straight into Lucas’s eyes, extending an invitation to step past the broken wall. 

 

Lucas laughed a little. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be alone?”

 

“Not anymore. It’s too heavy.”

 

“What is?”

 

“The price of that peace. I’d rather listen to you talk gibberish,” Ten laughed and Lucas shook his head in fake annoyance. Ten was super quick to wipe the pout of Lucas's handsome face with a peck across his lips. 

 

Half the things in life are fucked-up, and this could go and probably would go wrong looking at the odds but until then, kissing that friend-from-your-childhood-that-you-hate wasn't such a bad thing after all. Ten had decided to give up on goodbyes for the time being.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while to end the story but thank you so much for reading this story. ❤ Please continue supporting Ten, Lucas, Kun, and Johnny, all of whom deserve all the love in this world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm back with another shitty fic. This is how I cope with Ten-drought these days. Enjoy. <3  
>    
> Shameless Twitter Promo - @yuktenisreal


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